11 DAY ROUTE FROM EGYPT TO CANAAN Day 4 In the wilderness

 2024.10.9

 DAY 4. IN THE WILDERNESS

Dearest Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit

Thank You for taking the time to help me through this Egypt to Canaan experience and for just being there for me at all times.  I really appreciate it very much my King.  Please also help me this morning.  Lead me where You want me to go on this journey Lord and help me to get everything out in the open please.

I AM SCARED…

I  Of not knowing what lies ahead

I  Of fighting with the people that is nearest to me

I  That I have to stay here all my life, and not be contempt with my life, never cook again

I  That I will just get old because I am just having nothing to do in the room

I  Of what lies ahead is this wilderness

I  How many wolves would try to steal from me?

I  How many times will I be tempted to go back to Egypt and long for Egypt?

I  That I will not be worthy of Your trust because I cannot hold on to You at all

I  Of what lies ahead of me = will I be able to handle everything by myself?

I  Of the loneness I might face along the line, though I always know I have You by my side

I  That I will not do what You want me to do, and that I will rebel against You

 

Will I…

          I  serve You in the wilderness and become closer to You, or will I follow my own dreams, my own paths?

I  Be able to hear Your voice calling on me and leading me?

I  Be able to discern Your voice over the voice of the world calling me?

I  Be able to step on serpents and people that want to lead me astray?

I  Be able to cope alone without a husband?

I  Hold on to Your hand when I cross over to heaven one day?

I  Be able to walk this wilderness road alone and protect myself alone?  But then I realize that You are always there for me, carrying me in times when I cannot walk on my own.

I  Make it through this wilderness and be able to hold on to You like always?

I  Get nearer to You by doing this?

I  Be able to help one person on this road to the promised land – only one person that needs this?

I  Thrive on this road through the wilderness?

I  Be able to see the good things in between the bad things?

I  Be able to make this trip Lord and listen very carefully to Your Leadership along the way?

I  Be able to hold on with this and just rest in You every time?

 

I DO NOT WANT TO…

I  Be left alone in this wilderness, this desert that is stretching out so far

I  Not listen to You my King

I  Be left alone all by myself and not do the things You ask of me

I  Not be able to hear Your Voice Lord. Please take away all distractions and just keep my feet on Your road.

I  Be alone so much Lord. Please keep me busy at all times

I  Stay without You on this road, because then the road is not so lonely

I  Feel sorry for myself, because I know this road is best for me

I  Think about the meat pots of Egypt any more. I want to focus on the road ahead, the road You have chosen for me

I  Long for days that has gone and that left me very empty

I  Sit by myself and not knowing where to go

I  Look without looking. I want to feel, to see, to hear Your voice leading me in the directions You created me for

I  Become old of heart, but I want to be able to life in this wilderness, in this desert that is so fast and unexplored

I WANT TO….

I  See You in all Your splendor

I  Reach out and touch You in the day and in the night

I  Hold on to Your hand when I am scared and afraid

I  Follow Your lead wherever You want me to go

I  Sit on Your lap and learn from You

I  Listen to You teaching me about everything that is happening around me and how to follow You

I  See all the beautiful things around me and be able to enjoy them with my whole heart

I  Rest in Your arms when I am tired my Bridegroom

I  Just sit at Your feet, look into Your beautiful eyes and learn from You

I  Walk this wilderness road to freedom

I  Finish this trial You have placed before me, and I want to finish the race

I  See You one day in heaven and know that I have made it, but there is still so much I have to change Lord, so many things I have to let go off.

WHAT ATTITUDES MUST I GET RID OFF?

I  Blaming others or circumstances if I don’t succeed in something

I  Following my own head and doing my own thing.  From now on I must just rely on Jesus and where He leads me.

I  Thinking that I am the director of our business and that I have authority.  That means absolutely nothing here in the desert, and it does not bring any meat or anything to me.

I  Thinking that I know everything because I do not know anything.  But in God I have all knowledge available to me.

I  Trusting my own judgement, because that has failed me time and time again.  I must lean on Father, Jesus, Holy Spirit and trust Their judgement only

I  Depending on people to make me happy.  This has failed me time and time again.  The Holy Trinity must make me happy and satisfy my inner human being.

I  Spending money like it is freely available everywhere.  I must learn to work on a budget, to use only what I really need, and put away something for later (like with the manna they received every day.

I  That I am invincible and can do whatever I want to do.  I must exercise, eat the right food, cut on sugar and just let go of everyday once the evening sets down on earth.  ThenI have lost that day and can never get it back.

I  Not looking at myself, my head and my general health. I must look at myself, because God made me fearfully and wonderfully beautiful.  I have to look after my body, get exercise and the necessary intelligent things to let my brain work throughout everything.

I  That I know everything.  I do not know squad!!  I am now in the wilderness and all my knowledge means nothing here.  I have to learn a new skillset here and must depend on God to teach that to me.

I  That I am blameless in my marriage.  I just had so many faults as well.  But… it is gone now, in the past, and there is nothing I can do about the marriage.  But now I have to move on and learn from the mistakes of the past.

I  Depending on myself for everything.  I am dependent on God now.  He is my Bridegroom and He will take care of me.  I have to listen to His voice every day and depend on Him for all things good!

I  Seeing only the negative.  God does not see the negative, but only the positive. He made me His child and He wants me to spread cheer, goodness, mercy and kindness all the time.

I  That I am the one.  Here in the vast wilderness I am nothing – especially nothing without God.  I have to move closer to God because He knows everything.  He knows the past, the future, every road that lies ahead of me.  He knows the choices I must make to follow the path He wants me to go.

I  All the knowledge I had or thought I had.  That means nothing in the wilderness.  A new set off knowledge and skills is needed when I am in the wilderness. And when I get out of here, I will need a new skillset to please my Bridegroom.  So… I have to learn!!

 

HOW AM I FEELING IN THE WILDERNESS?

I  Excited

I  Scared

I  Afraid

I  Like I am going on the biggest adventure of my life

I  Like I know nothing and do not want to move another inch

I  Bewildered, scared, not knowing what animals or people can attack me

I  Open for everyone to see me and know what is going on in my life

I  Lonely but also not lonely

I  Sure that I will be able to do this, but scared that I will give in and just sit down and do nothing

I  Like an open target who can be shot by any arrow at any time

I  But then I know that God Himself puts on my armor and I am no longer so vulnerable

I  Like I do not know what will be next and if I will have the energy for the next attack on my live, the next move I have to make.

I  But then again:  knowing God makes the difference because He is my Strength and my Power

I  Nothing… sometimes I just feel nothing.  Nothing excites me, nothing brings me down.  It is as if I am flat lining in my life.

I  Lonely and not lonely

I  Scared and not scared

I  Alive and not alive – just having some things that brings excitement in my life – like this Egypt to Canaan trip!

I  Overwhelmed by the magnitude of the divorce happening in my life

I  Overwhelmed that I finally made the decision that I should have made many years ago already

I  Sorry for Johan sometimes

I  Angry at Johan for still being in Egypt and I have to suffer here in the warm sun in the wilderness.  But I made the decision based on his choices, so I must rest in peace and take each day as it comes

I  Will I EVER have my own place again, a place where I can do whatever I want to whenever I want to do it?

I  Will I EVER have my own place again, a place where I can plant, think out loud, and call my own before I die?  Is it even necessary?  But sometimes I think so because with other people around me the whole time and living in their home, is not fine and is giving me a lot of stress also.  But… this is all in God’s hands.  He knows my future; the place He wants me to be.

I  I have no routine, no routine to fall back on, nothing solid I can rely on

I  I have lost everything (furniture, memories, garden), but… I am going to a better place in my life, is already on a better place in my life because I have more peace and tranquility.

I  But I am sure God will supply in my needs and in my longings.  No. He HAS supplied in all my need and in my longings.

I  Will I ever see plants and beauty in my wilderness and not only the dry desert around me?

I  Lord, will You hold my hand on this journey and lead me through everything with a good attitude?

I  Will You please not let go of my hand Lord, because I think this is one of the worst roads I ever have been on, so lonely, so scary, so humbling, but yet also so exciting.

I  Please never let go of my hand Lord, even if I let go of Your hand!!!

I  Please hold me so close to Your heart that I will feel Your heartbeat around me at all times.

I  Please give me the strength to hold on to You at all times and to never let go of You.

WHAT CAN I LOOK FORWARD TO?

I  That I will never be alone on this journey, because God is with me all the time.  He is my cloud in the day and my smoke column at night – reminding me that He is there.

I  Even if I took the wrong road, He will be with me at all times

I  He will bring me to the right place at the right time in His own time and His timing is not my timing.

I  He will protect me because I have chosen Him to be my Bridegroom, my Leader, my Everything.

I  The promised land – the place where Jesus will use me just the way I was created to do

I  The promised land – where there will be peace and wholeness in my heart

I  The promised land – where there is enough of everything to carry me through

I  That I am not alone on this road, because God is there for me at all times.

I  I just have to look at the cloud by day and the fire column at night to know that He is there.  I just have to look at nature around me to know that He is with me in everything and that I have nothing to fear because Jesus is always near

I  Learning from God and not a human being.  It is not always easy, because God has straight and sometimes very hard principles.  But if I can learn from Him, I learn from the very best.  And when I go through His learning curve, there is always the best results at the end!!!

I  God will provide in my needs, as He has done this morning with someone asking me if I want some minced meat.  Thank You Jesus.

I  That the road will be hard, but that I will grow in the best possible way, because Jesus is there and His teaching is always worth it!!!!

I  That I will rest in Jesus and the Holy Spirit, and that they will carry me through this journey.

I  A new promised land where I will be in Jesus and will listen to Him speaking all the time

I  Where Jesus will lead me in the ways He has made me.

I  A time where I will be so close to Jesus that I will never miss a husband, a sole mate or even just having someone around me, because I will have Jesus and He will keep me busy with the things He wants me to do in His body.

I  There will be growing pains, but with Jesus at my side, I will be able to cope with everything.

I  I will no longer feel sorry for myself, because things that happens in real life, is just complimenting the life Jesus wants me to have.  (Like my son saying I must only work in the afternoons, gives me time to walk the journey from Egypt to the promised land.  And I first I just felt sorry for myself.  Now I see God’s hand in this!!!!  Thank You Jesus!!!!)

I  Jesus becoming my Everything!!!

Thank You so much Lord for entrusting this journey to me, for leading me through this journey, and for giving me Your love through this journey, Your hope, Your tranquility.  I just want to rest in You my King and Father.  I just want to cuddle in Your Nearness Holy Spirit and know that You are there, no matter what the price, no matter what the choice, no matter how I feel.  How I love You with all of my heart!! All thanks and praise be to You!!!!