2024.10.12
I have done it again: instead of turning to God, I have turned to other things, things that consume my time; the golden calf that I give all my time to.
What
is my golden calf, things that consume most of my time?
·
Movies – watching movies
·
Worry about money
·
Work, work, work,
·
Worry about others
·
Doing nothing, just sitting and
spending time that I do not know where it went
·
Thinking about the past, now
that I have left Johan
·
Thinking about a friend who
has said bad things to me
·
Thinking about the future –
will I ever have my own place to stay, or will I always stay with the kids?
Longing for my own place
·
Buying things
·
Cellphone and Facebook
·
Lots of idle time when not
working
·
Listening to music – all kinds
of music
·
Sometimes longing to go and
fetch things in Egypt
·
Just doing absolutely nothing
and escaping into movies
·
Being alone and not doing
anything because I did not plan anything to do
·
Thinking that I am alone and I
cannot do anything because I am alone!
What!!! I have done things alone for a very, very, very long time
already.
What
do I have to do or do I love?
·
More Bible Study – what about a
place like Faan Meintjies – putting on a fire, doing Bible study in nature and
learning from God in nature?
·
More time with God – listening
to Him and learning from Him
·
Playing guitar and singing –
making music to put on Facebook and social media for others to enjoy
·
Time management
·
Coloring
·
Painting
·
Writing music
·
Writing stories, children
stories, Bible stories, small things that I can share with all people, writing
for Facebook about my Bible study (shorts)
·
Tending to animals in one or
other way
·
Cleaning
·
Plant more things and tend to
them (gardening)
·
Touring places and seeing
things
·
Work
·
More leisure time, but more
planned leisure time
·
Visiting things and places that
I love very much – around Klerksdorp or just a little bit further like
Rustenburg?
·
Learn to braai my own meat and
enjoying my own braai somewhere.
·
Exercise (walking)
·
Photography (me and Pieter
going places and taking photos? Then I
can learn from him! ;)
·
Going to church
·
Learning a new skill
What
is keeping me from doing the things that I have to do?
·
Tiredness – overall tiredness
from all the emotional things I am going through
·
Thinking that I cannot do
things because I am alone!!!!
·
Being busy with the trek from
Egypt to Canaan
·
Laziness
·
Lack of planning
·
Just settling in in my new
surroundings
·
Emotions that is running up and
down
·
Lack of spark and planning and
just doing things – can it be because I am alone and I do not want to do things
alone? Yet, when I was married, I did
everything alone!!
·
Just very tired and only want
to draw back into my room and do my own thing.
·
Excuses and having to work long
hours some time
What
is and How much time must I spend with each item on my list?
·
Bible Study – Faan Meintjies,
alongside a fire, Klerksdorp dam/Pickles/VCP
·
Time with God – listening and
learning from Him
·
Cleaning
·
Plants, planting, tending to
garden, cutting the thorn trees that grow in the veld across from my son’s
house
·
Singing
·
reading
·
Writing songs
·
Writing stories, short pieces
about what I read in the Bible
·
Tending to animals in one or
the other way
·
Coloring
·
Painting
·
Touring
·
School plays
·
Visit friends
·
Visit my daughter – once or
twice a month. Go in week and stay over for one night.
·
Doing things that I love like
visiting Faan Meintjies, Wawielpark, and having a picnic all on my own.
Weekends must be mine to do what I want to do and enjoy every moment of it on
my own.
· Going to places like Rob
Ferreira or any other places near me for a weekend.
·
Just walking around in the mall
and checking out things that I love and dreaming about things that I am going
to buy once I am on my own
·
Saving, saving, saving money
·
Planning
·
Planned leisure time
·
Exercise (walking) – what about
having different routes each day that is about the same length as I walk. That would be interesting because I will have
other scenery every day.
·
Going to church
·
Learning a new skill – chest,
making a fire and braai for myself, growing vegetables
·
Foot massage at a game farm
·
Going for a game drive with my
children
·
Holidays with the grandkids
·
Window shopping
·
Aardklop or other events
Conclusion:
·
I sat at home because I am
suddenly alone. Yet I have done so many
things alone. In fact: I always did things alone. So why stop now.
·
My planning has gone down the
drain because I have left Egypt
·
I must get my planning on the
way and read the Klerksdorp Record to see what is going on in Klerksdorp. And then I must treat myself to at least one
place that I want to go that will do me good and lift my spirits
·
I have to do more things that I
love and enjoy
·
I have to spend more time with
God because He is the One who has always been there by my side.
·
I have to think outside the box
now because I do not have anyone who ties me down to a specific place
anymore.
·
I can go to places like
Klerksdorp dam, VCP, Pickles, Faan Meintjies and spend time there braaiing for
myself and learning a new skill.
·
I have confined myself to this
one room, in my own accord
·
I think that I cannot enjoy
live now that I am alone, but that is soooooo false. I now have to enjoy every minute of every day
and do things that I love
·
If I plan more, I can do more.
·
I have limit myself now that I
am alone, because I think I do not have to enjoy live and I am alone. That has never stopped me from enjoying
things before. Here is Aardklop going on
and I could visit a few plays - even only one or two and just enjoy the
day. Why do I always have to have
someone with me? Now I can sit where I
want to sit, listen to who I want to listen to and just enjoy every minute of
the day!!!
·
My days, times and things I do,
are limited by me alone
·
I can do whatever I want to
whenever I want to, and that will give me more freedom to do things that I
enjoy
·
I have colored in at the Spur
and enjoyed every minute severely
·
I can make this work, if I set
my mind to it.
·
I can have a most enjoyable
life, if I just plan ahead
·
But…. And this is a big
but: I have to spend time with God,
because He is my Anchor, the One that I cling to, my Provider, my Teacher, my
Love, my Bridegroom. He must enjoy first
priority in my life at all times!!!!
·
My live was boring for 5 months
because I thought my life had ended.
·
But my live has just
started. There is so many things I can
do, new skills I can learn, places I can go to
·
I just have to plan, spend less
on things I do not need, and spend more on things that I really do need.
·
My focus was on things that is
far from God, like watching movies.
·
But I can change that and spend
more time on things that I love, things that can also give glory to God, God’s
nature and things that I love very much.
·
And in time I will not be this
lonely woman sitting all by herself doing nothing at all.
·
I will start to get busy,
especially on weekends and spend my time on things that I really love
·
I will stand up again, with God
at my side, and enjoy everyday things with new eyes, with a new passion for
live and with thankfulness towards God.
·
Thank You my Father, for showing me there
is live in the desert. Thank You for
showing me and bring out in me, all the wonderful things that make me me! Help me to enjoy only the positive things in
life, the things where all the glory belongs to You.
Thank You for picking me up in the desert,
there where I was wasting my time away and for showing me a better live, a
better choice with You. You are so
amazing!!!!
If I am bored now, it is only because I
have limited my imagination.
If I am bored now, nobody could be blamed
but me.
Thank You for helping me and showing me a
new road to take, a new time in my live, a time for standing up and getting to
know myself for the first time in 40 years!
Wow!! It is such freedom!!! I
really appreciate it very much. And I do
not need anyone to entertain me or to bring me down when I want to do
things. I only have me, and You, to
report to, and that sounds great!!! No more time deadlines, friends I cannot
have, things I cannot do. Now the sky is
definitely my limit and I can do things that I never even thought off. I can meet people and spend time with them
without feeling guilty or having to hurry back home. I just have to let Jacques know what I am
doing, and he will give me the freedom to do whatever I want to do, without holding
me back.
Wow, that is so super cool. And here I thought my live on earth has died
with my marriage. Only to find out that
I have started a new chapter in lives book:
Babs doing things she loves!!! That is so amazing. I am going to enjoy this.
Thank You so much Lord for taking me from
Egypt to Canaan. Thank You for picking me up, for helping me to enjoy every
minute of every day and just to enjoy a sunset, taking pictures so that
memories can stay with me. Thank You for
giving me so much options to enjoy.
Thank You for opening a whole new world for me! Wow!!! I am amazed at everything I can
do. Now I think a day has to little minutes
in it to enjoy. Now I will enjoy a
weekend so much more, doing things that I love.
And I can even take Delia with me if I go somewhere, that is if I want
to. I just think that I have to do
things on my own at first. I have to
enjoy my new bought freedom first. That
is a good thing. Thank You for that.
Lord, I give You all my time, my whole
life. Please plan it according to Your
will. Teach me to sort my live out in
You and to spend a lot of time with You.
Show me to rest in You and to just enjoy every minute with You. I thank You so much for that!! You are an
amazing God and I love You very, very, very much.
Thank You for never leaving me alone, but
for helping me to cope with everything!!
What would I be without You?? Who
will I be without You? Nothing Lord, absolutely nothing. You are my Everything!! You are the reason I still live and
breathe. You are the reason I have peace
in my heart. You are the reason I am
still here on earth! I never want to
leave You Lord, but want to spend all my time with You!!!!
I love You Lord!!!!!!!!
